Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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