is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
