Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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