Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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