Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
