fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
