how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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