this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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