OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
