clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
