I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
