On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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