Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
