I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
