I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
