Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
