We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
