You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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