New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
