If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
