Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
