I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
