i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
