i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
