My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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