Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
