Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize
