Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
