We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
