upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she smelled like a LAN party
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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