Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
