Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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