When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
