She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
