I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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