Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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