and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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