so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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