My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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