I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
