If i come over, it means nothing
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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