i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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