I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
