i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
