Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
