She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
