I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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