So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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