I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
