If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I just shit out all my problems.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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