Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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