mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
