I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
