I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
