need another drink. this is the easiest way
My cat gives me a boner
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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