I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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