how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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