dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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