PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
